This blog discusses the challenges and importance of setting boundaries in both family and work relationships, emphasizing self-reflection, effective communication, and consistency.
Three Key Points:
Setting boundaries requires self-reflection to identify personal needs and comfort levels.
Communicating boundaries can create discomfort and resistance, but consistency is key to maintaining them.
Work boundaries are crucial for avoiding burnout, ensuring work-life balance, and fostering long-term career satisfaction.
The Challenge of Setting Boundaries
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about boundaries—how we set them, how we hold them, and how we navigate the discomfort that often comes with them. It’s something that comes up frequently in my work, especially around family relationships.
Most of us operate on autopilot when it comes to family. We do things because that’s the way it’s always been done. We show up where we’re expected, we take on roles that were assigned to us long ago, and we often don’t stop to ask ourselves if that’s what we actually want. The first step in setting boundaries is giving yourself permission to pause and reflect:
- What do I actually want?
- What am I comfortable with?
- What no longer serves me?
It’s simple in theory, but when you’ve been following the same script for years, rewriting it can feel overwhelming.
Family dynamics can be deeply ingrained, and setting boundaries is often met with resistance. But it’s important to remember that your needs and well-being matter just as much as anyone else’s.
Communicating Boundaries Effectively
Once you’ve figured out what your boundaries are, the next challenge is communicating them. And that’s where things can get really hard. Some people are receptive, but more often than not, setting boundaries—especially with family—means upsetting people who have benefited from you not having them. That’s not easy. It’s uncomfortable. And sometimes, it can feel discouraging when you finally speak up, and the response isn’t what you hoped for.
When you set a boundary, you’re shifting the balance in a relationship. That can create tension, but it’s not a sign that you’re doing something wrong. It’s a sign that change is happening. The key is to stay firm and remind yourself why you set the boundary in the first place.
I remind clients all the time: You can’t control how someone reacts to your boundary. You can only control how you uphold it. If someone pushes back, tests it, or ignores it entirely, the real challenge is in holding firm. If you say you’re not comfortable with something but then give in when met with resistance, you are reinforcing the old pattern. That’s where consistency comes in—because eventually, people either adjust or show you very clearly that they won’t.
Boundaries in the Workplace
The same principles apply at work. Boundaries in professional settings are often more nuanced because there’s the added layer of power dynamics, job security, and the expectation that you’ll always be available.
I work with clients who struggle to say no to late-night emails, extra assignments, or unrealistic demands because they feel obligated to be “always on.” But part of setting boundaries is recognizing what you’re actually being paid for—your work, not your unlimited availability. If a work environment doesn’t allow for balance, sometimes the best boundary you can set is deciding to walk away – if that is feasible.
Work boundaries are essential for long-term career satisfaction. If you’re constantly overextending yourself, burnout is inevitable. Communicating expectations early and often can help prevent resentment and exhaustion.
Some key strategies for maintaining boundaries at work:
- Set clear expectations with colleagues and supervisors about availability.
- Use “Do Not Disturb” features on email and messaging apps outside of work hours.
- Practice saying no to additional tasks that don’t align with your priorities.
- Take regular breaks to prevent burnout and maintain productivity.
The Power of Reclaiming Your Space
Ultimately, setting boundaries isn’t about getting the perfect reaction from others. It’s about reclaiming your own space, honoring your needs, and trusting that the discomfort of change is worth it.
It’s a process—one that requires practice, patience, and self-compassion. But the more you do it, the more natural it becomes. And with time, you might just find that the people who truly respect and care about you will respect your boundaries too.
Need help? We’re here to help.
This blog was written by Cady Parliman LCSW
Licensed Clinical Social Worker, EMDR Trained
