Beyond Social Jitters: A Guide to Practical Social Anxiety Coping
Dealing with social anxiety can be tough. For some of my clients, it’s a shadow that hangs over parts of their lives, making social interactions feel almost impossible. The good news is there are some helpful ways to tackle it.
In this blog, let’s dive into some practical strategies – stuff you can actually do – to handle social anxiety. All of these tools can make social interactions a lot less difficult.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Imagine this scenario: You’re at the movie theatre and someone you don’t know looks at you. You wonder if you have something in your teeth. If there’s something on your face. You knew these jeans looked terrible on you. You haven’t gotten the chance to exercise in weeks.
Sound familiar? It’s like your mind is playing tricks on you, making you believe something that is not necessarily true. So, in this situation, challenging that thought means asking yourself, “Is this person really judging me? What is the evidence for that?” It’s a way to break down those negative thoughts and see them for what they are – just thoughts, not facts.
Mindful Awareness
Next, let’s look at mindful awareness which is a way to pay attention to your thoughts and emotions in a non-judgmental way.
Imagine you’re watching clouds passing by in the sky. Your thoughts are like those clouds – they come and go. You can train yourself to recognize negative thoughts as temporary mental events rather than concrete realities. This makes you better at responding to situations with clarity rather than reacting impulsively. At the movie theatre, you may not be able to stop yourself from having negative thoughts, but you don’t have to give them power over you.
Reality Testing
A reality check at the movie theater involves looking at what is fact vs assumption. Was the person looking at you or looking at something behind you? Has the person engaged you in any other way? Is there anything about their demeanor that leads you to believe that they were being unkind?
Think about other times when you’ve made a misjudgment about someone’s intentions. Also, reflect on other positive interactions or moments you’ve experienced where no one seemed bothered by your appearance.
Reality testing is a way to challenge the automatic, fear-driven beliefs that your mind throws at you. The process helps you see things more clearly and understand that the worry about being judged might be just that – an unfounded worry.
Positive Affirmations
Think of positive affirmations like personal cheerleaders. Instead of letting thoughts like “They’ll think I’m awkward” take over, try flipping the script. Replace it with a positive affirmation like “I have a lot to say in a conversation.”
This makes you focus on your strengths. By repeating affirmations, you reinforce more constructive beliefs about yourself until it’s a thought pattern. At the movie theatre, when the worry about being awkward creeps in, you will more easily remember your worth.
Gradual Exposure
Taking on fears directly can be pretty overwhelming. That’s when it helps to begin with small steps and gradually amp up the challenge. It’s like dipping your toes in before diving into the deep end.
If the idea of all the people at a crowded movie theatre stresses you out, gradual exposure might mean watching a movie at a less crowded time or attending a matinee. By exposing yourself to increasing levels of social interaction, you’re giving yourself the chance to adapt and build confidence.
Create a Comfort Hierarchy
List social situations from least to most anxiety-inducing. Begin with the least anxiety-provoking and gradually progress. Here’s what it might look like:
- Saying “hello” to a neighbor: A low-pressure, friendly interaction to start things off.
- Having a brief chat with a work friend: Taking a step into slightly more social territory.
- Attending a small gathering with friends: A lower stress setting to practice social interactions.
- Heading to a movie matinee: Tackling the movie theatre scenario but during a less busy time.
- Initiating small talk with strangers: Now you’re moving towards more challenging stuff.
- Seeing the 7 p.m. show on a Friday night: Showtime! Literally and figuratively.
To overcome social anxiety, a combination of strategies can be effective. In addition to the above, there’s role-playing, where you practice social scenarios with a friend or in front of a mirror, celebrating small wins and setting realistic goals for yourself. It’s going to look different for everyone. And don’t forget self-compassion; be kind to yourself as you navigate your world, recognizing that mistakes are part of the learning process.
The journey to overcome social anxiety is often a process. Sometimes, having a therapist guide you through the steps can make all the difference. If you feel like you could use some support and guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out for a 15-minute consultation. At Oaks Counseling Associates, we provide a safe, positive space for you to become the person you want to be.
This blog was written by Chelsea Koutroulis, M.Ed., LPC-Associate, CST-Candidate.
Koutroulis is supervised by Megan Pollock, MS, LPC-S, CST.
