Feeling stuck during life changes? This blog on Life Transitions helps you rethink your story and find your own path forward.
Three Key Points:
Question the story you’re telling yourself.
Identify your goal and break it into small steps.
Listen to what you truly want, not what others expect.
Many of the people I work with come in feeling like something’s not working, but they can’t quite put their finger on what it is. It’s usually not one big thing. It’s more like this quiet discomfort that’s been sitting with them for a while, and they finally decide to verbalize it.
Sometimes it’s a job shift, sometimes it’s questioning a long-term relationship, sometimes it’s just this feeling like, I don’t want to be where I am anymore. I call it a life transition, and it doesn’t always look like a traditional one. People are rethinking their values, their identity, what they want from life. And that can be really scary. But it can also be where the most growth happens.
When It Feels Too Late
This is a big one. Many people feel like the chance to live the life they want has already passed them by. And they feel stuck.
My questions are always as follows: Why do you feel that way? What’s the story you’re telling yourself? Do you believe it completely? Why or why not?
That’s where we start to shift the narrative. Honestly, I don’t think it’s ever really too late. I had a client in his 40s who wanted to go back to school for something completely different than what he’s been doing. He’d been laid off and was kind of shell-shocked. Couldn’t even figure out how to start.
When you’re stuck like that, depression can take over. You feel like you can’t go back and you don’t want to move forward in the same direction either.
So I asked him, “What’s the island?” He said, “Starting a career in nonprofit work.” Okay. Now we talk about how to get to the island – what are the stepping stones? For him, it meant exploring administrative roles at community organizations, because those positions welcome people from all kinds of backgrounds and are flexible for folks going back to school.
Once he could actually see a path – one he hadn’t considered before – the dread started to lift. He started breathing again. Sometimes that’s all it takes. A different way of looking at it.
When Everyone Else Seems to Have It All Figured Out
I’ve also had numerous women clients express this: “It just seems like everyone else is moving forward with their lives, and I’m still trying to figure out what I even want mine to look like.”
The trigger? When it feels like all your friends are getting married and starting families – and you’re left wondering if that’s even something you want. That kind of pressure can make you question if you’re behind somehow, or missing something that everyone else seems to have figured out.
But I remind them – your path doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. “Do you really want that life, or is it just what you think your supposed to want?” It’s not about rushing to catch up, but slowing down enough to listen to yourself.
It takes some honesty. It takes time. But figuring out what you truly want (not what’s expected, not what looks good on paper) is the first step toward building a life that feels right for you.
What Growth Looks Like on the Other Side
I think real growth is being sound in your decisions. Knowing that it’s coming from you, and not from everyone else’s expectations or opinions. It’s so easy to get caught up in what people say you should do. Sometimes clients realize, “Oh, I only want this because I’m hearing it from everyone around me.” And once they say it out loud, they’re like, “Wait, I actually don’t want that. That’s not me.”
And if they’re scared? That’s okay too. If they’re in a relationship, I encourage them to bring their partner into the process. Say, “Hey, this is what I’m feeling. Can we talk about it?” Because being scared doesn’t mean you’re doing the wrong thing. It just means it matters.
Supporting a Partner Who’s Going Through It
When someone’s going through a major shift – maybe they’re reevaluating what they want in life – it can affect their relationship too. And if you’re the partner watching it happen, it’s easy to get defensive. You might think, ‘What’s wrong with what we have now?’ That’s a totally human reaction.
But what I always try to remind people is: be mindful of your own feelings and reactions. Instead of raising the defensive flag, get curious. Ask, “Why are you feeling this way? What’s coming up for you? What do you need right now?”
It’s about finding that balance between supporting them and honoring your own boundaries. Extreme example, but if someone says, “I need to move across the world,” and you’re like, “But our entire family is here,” you’re allowed to feel that conflict. That’s part of being in a family system – everyone’s needs matter. And figuring it out together, where all parties are okay, is the end goal.
Final Thought
So, if you’re feeling lost, or like you’re stuck in place, or like it’s too late to change. I want you to know it’s not. There is an island. The ocean between you and it might feel huge, but there are stepping stones. And those stones can move. You can adjust them. You can rewrite the story you’re telling yourself.
You’re allowed to want something different. And you’re allowed to take your time figuring it out.
About Me
I’m Chelsea Koutroulis, M.Ed., LPC-Associate, CST. I work with adults and couples — mostly around identity, transitions, anxiety, and sex therapy. My approach is person-centered, solutions-focused, and rooted in helping people understand their own stories. I’m supervised by Megan Pollock, MS, LPC-S, CST, and I see clients both in person and via telehealth.
